I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
