here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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