I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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