all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
