Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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