I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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