Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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