Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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