Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
