cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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