I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
