Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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