I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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