Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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