I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
