I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
