What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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