When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
