Can i not drive my cunt home
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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