wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
