he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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