I think im going to throw up on grandma
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
COCAINE IS GR8
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize