they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
