Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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