he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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