She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
