yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
