I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
