your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
