Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
