Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
