is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
