I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
