I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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