dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
