your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize