Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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