vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
