The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
