Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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