We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
