This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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