it was like eating out sand paper
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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