I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
