I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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