so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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