Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize