A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need to sanitize my soul.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
