my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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