Your face is a jimmy john
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
