I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
