Your mouth is God's brothel.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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