sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
