my mouth tastes like poor choices
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
