She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
