I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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