I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sorry my hands just texted you
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
