i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
