i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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