I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
