im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize