I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
