I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
