the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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