I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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