Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
