A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
