Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
