According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
