Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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